Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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