OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
