jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
