Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
