Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
