Plan B is the new Plan A
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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