I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
