I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
