just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
