So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
