I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
