booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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