Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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