I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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