the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
