Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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