Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
