I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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