the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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