Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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