we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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