i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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