Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
