Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Text me some of your sweat
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
