I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
