i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
