I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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