"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
