Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
