We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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