She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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