I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
