Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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