actually, I'm a sock model
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
