dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
