meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
