she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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