All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
