Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
