Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
