Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
