Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
pop tarts are not kleenex
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
