Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
