No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
