"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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