I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
