come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
