I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I am available for nakedness
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
