Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
