The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
