Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
