We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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