a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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