i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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