It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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